Father is so Distant

Sivan 15

June 5

Dear Diary;

Something must have leaked out at home, because my younger sisters don’t treat me so sweetly any more. Dorcas and Naomi give me troubled looks as if they cannot quite understand what has changed with me. They are not as spontaneous with their hugs as in former days, or am I just imagining it? Hanalei and I used to be as close as burrs on sheep’s wool but now she is somewhat reserved in my presence. Imma thought she was old enough to share in our secret, but from the way she is acting we wonder. Perhaps Hana is concerned about how her friends will react when they find out her older sister is expecting a riba, child, before the wedding. Maybe she is afraid this will lessen her own chances of finding a nice, respectable husband. She had been telling me how much she admires Caleb bar-Reuven, for some time now.

Dear old Abba has been quiet and stern since our discussion.

I wonder so often what he is really thinking. I wish he would not council with Yaakov so much since Yosef’s father is so perturbed with me.

Now that Father is so distant, Imma waits until he is out of the house to show her loving sympathy. It is then that the tears, the soothing healing tears, flow freely, and we can talk.

Naturally Imma does not feel ill as I do, so she is still quite optimistic about it all. I know she does not consider my story a fantasy like Abba, Yosef and his family appear to. What would I do without my mother to lean on; to comfort me?

Imma

is still touched that a daughter of hers would be considered worthy to be the mother of the son of El Shaddai, our Almighty God, but is deeply concerned that Yosef is considering getting divorce papers written out.

Isn’t it strange that two such conflicting emotions can dwell in the same heart? Being thrilled yet at the same time deeply concerned seems so opposite from each other. She feels for me, and I am glad she is praying that things will work out somehow. We have whispered together about how dreadful it would be to be identified as an unwed mother. I do not believe Yosef would ever have me stoned, but would not the stony disapproval of our community be almost harder to bear? I know that every day I am growing a little rounder, and someday the sacred secret will be revealed. But unfortunately, or is it fortunately, I will be far away by then, for Abba insists that I must go, and for who knows how long?bookstore.iuniverse.com/